302 posts categorized " Author Slim Randles" Feed

HOME COUNTRY: Do You Really Have To Go?

Slim Randles | CNBNews Columnist Teachers in rural schools are special. Unlike the great city amalgamated and homogenized institutes of lower learning, the rural schools tend not to have teachers who are putting in time until their heart stops. And it’s a mixed blessing, because rural schools sometimes have to hire someone whose only qualification is a pulse. But there are those rural teachers who go down in SLIM RANDLES legend for their creativity. Like John Lewis. After his first semester teaching at the high... Read more →


Home Country: The Philosophy Counter

Slim Randles | CNBNews.net (Gloucestercitynews.net)(January 8, 20120)--It happened when two unfamiliar truck drivers came in the Mule Barn and took seats at the Round Table. Not that we wouldn’t have invited them to sit down, if they’d asked. Hey, we’re friendly guys. Usually we’re at the counter … you know … the Philosophy Counter. But this morning, due to nasty weather, the numbers of the world dilemma think tank experienced some overflow. But there were still two seats left at the Round Table until those... Read more →


HOME COUNTRY: See You Next Year!

Slim Randles | CNBNews.net “The highlight of the week before New Year’s,” said Steve, semi solemnly, “is to be able to tell your pals ‘See you next year’. “Really?” said Dud. “That’s it? How about now that we’re hip deep … almost … in the new year? What do you do now that is encouraging?” “Well,” Steve said, sipping his coffee and sending a jealous eye to Doc’s sweet roll, “one of my New Year’s resolutions is to figure out what to look forward to... Read more →


Home Country: It is Time for New Year's Resolutions

Slim Randles | CNBNews It was Herb who kicked things off at the world dilemma think tank at the philosophy counter in the Mule Barn truck stop. Herb is like Nature itself. He abhors a vacuum, too. “Well,” Herb said, “it’s about that time again.” Three heads swiveled to look at him. “New Year’s resolutions … you know.” Three nods. “So Herb, what are your new resolves for the next year?” “Glad you asked, Dud. I thought I might lose 15 pounds, take sailing lessons... Read more →


Home Country: Why We Cherish Christmas

Slim Randles | CNBNewsnet Mabel Adams was sitting in the day room at the Rest of Your Life retirement home when the children came in. She smiled and so did all the others in the room except for two who didn’t Slim Randles know what was going on. The old-timers in the home knew the kids were coming and had put up Christmas decorations around in the day room and on the doors of their own small apartments and on themselves. Mabel had been reminded... Read more →


Home Country: Windy Cheating at Solitaire?

Slim Randles | CNBNews.net The main problem, said Windy to himself, is a lack of variety. He got up from his kitchen table and poured a fourth cup of coffee. The weather outside was terrible, he didn’t have any work to do today, Ramses was healthy and asleep over next to the heater. Not bad, said the old cowboy philosopher and camp cook. I could do a lot worse, he thought. But still, there was that darn lack of variety. And it was this problem... Read more →


HOME COUNTRY: Just Hire A Teenager

Slim Randles | CNBNews.net It was a rare treat to have Vince come in the Mule Barn truck stop and join us for coffee. He’s usually too busy taking care of what we all know around the valley here as the “gas station gun shop.” Slim Randles Vince is one of those lucky guys who figured out how to scratch his passion itch while earning a living. The passion is guns and the living is pumping gas. Ever since he received a firearms license from... Read more →


Home Country: Good ol’ Poker-hontas Saved the Day

Slim Randles | CNBNews Contributor Windy Wilson waited while the first cup was poured, there at the daily meeting of the world dilemma think tank at the Mule Barn truck stop. When Windy shows up, it’s always an interesting lesson on vocabulary and remembrance of things that may or may not have occurred. “Fellers,” Windy said, “you know Thanksgivin’s ‘bout here, don’t ya?” We did. “Brings me to mind of that Indun girl, Poker-hontus. Now she were a proper honey, I’ll tell ya. Not only... Read more →


Home Country: What's A Vermiculturist

Slim Randles | CNBNews Contributor Dewey Decker showed his new business cards to the other guys at the Mule Barn Truck Stop’s philosophy counter, and each member of the world dilemma think tank got to keep one. Steve, our owlish-appearing cowboy, scratched his head as he studied the card. Slim Randles “Okay, Dewey, I’ll bite … what’s a verm-a- ….? “Vermiculturist, Steve,” Dewey said, proudly. “It means I raise worms.” Dewey, the beloved accident-prone member of the think tank, began his new career with just... Read more →


Home Country: Reporters and The Flat Story

Slim Randles | CNBNews Contributor “Did you read the paper from the city today?” asked Steve. The rest of us shook our heads no. Most everything pertaining to us occurs on the pages of the Valley Weekly Miracle or is deliberately excluded for the same reason. “I’ve been following that flat story, you know,” Steve said, nodding yes to Mavis for a coffee refill. “Haven’t heard how that went yet.’ “Flat story?” asked Doc. “Yeah. You know them guys who think the earth is flat... Read more →


HOME COUNTRY: THE LIFE OF BILLY THE DOG

Slim Randles | CNBNews The first cold nights sent Billy indoors. Aunt Ada always had room on the couch for Billy. It was different now, of course, since Desdemona passed away. She was good, for a cat. Now there was just Billy and the other cat, Boots, to share the couch. Billy was no dummy. In the past three years or so, since he became the official town dog, he not only knew his duties, but his options as well. Billy’s duties were to see... Read more →


Home Country: Herb Collins Taking Halloween to its Extremes

Slim Randles | CNBNews To look at Herb Collins, you wouldn’t think he was like that. A nicer, kinder guy you never met. But for one evening each year … one little slice of time … he’s downright diabolical. Every small town has one, of course. There is always that one person who takes Halloween to its extremes of horror and fantasy. We have Herb. Everyone knows about his penchant for decoration. Ever since he retired, his yard and house have celebrated every holiday from... Read more →


Home Country: The Orange and Black of Fall

Slim Randles | CNBNews Contributor I think there must be autumnal reasons for Halloween being hued in orange and black. It’s a fun time, a magic evening if you’re a kid, and if you’re a grandpa-type guy, like me, who gets to hand out the goodies. But the colors of this sweet evening celebration are orange and black, and so is October. In another week or so, our deciduous trees will stand like skeletons against the gray skies of winter, but now we have the... Read more →


Home Country: Squash; One of the English Language Most Painful Words

Slim Randles | CNBNews Contributor Squash. Just listen to that word one more time. Squash … one of the English language’s most painful words, along with maim and trauma and rend and okra and Liberace. Why would anyone want to eat something that sounds as though someone sat on it? The bottom-line truth is, cooks all over the place love a challenge, and they have tried valiantly to turn squash into an edible dish. To do this, they take one tenth of a portion of... Read more →


HOME COUNTRY: Windy Wilson "Top Dog" for the Day

Slim Randles | CNBNews Contributor Wellsir, I ast ol’ Slim if mebbe I could contribulate to his Home Country columns if I ever had something important to renounce. And he said he wanted to go hunting, anyway, so why not now. So howdy. This here’s Windy Wilson, you know. I’m the guy on the Home Country with Slim Randles radio show what edumacates folks to stuff they ain’t heard the straight of before. I timed ‘er just right the other day. Strolled on into the... Read more →


HOME COUNTRY: She Has Labradoodles! Is It Catching?

Slim Randles | CNBNewsnet “Labradoodles? Some lady in the city has Labradoodles,” Doc said, putting down the paper. “Hope it isn’t catching,” said Dud. We knew without being told what a Labradoodle was, of course. It meant that a good retriever got too close to one of those tippy-toe prancing fluffs and now there are puppies that need good homes. We’d been broken in to this world by cockapoos and peekapoos, so a genuine Labradoodle wasn’t that much of a stretch. At least it gave... Read more →


Home Country: Hunting Deer Using The Amish Method

Slim Randles | CNBNewsnet “Feel that crispness in the air this morning?” said Dud. “Just about time to go hunting, don’t you think?” “I’m always ready,” said Steve, smiling. “I’ll go right after fall branding this year. But I’m going to be hunting differently this year.” We all looked at Steve and waited. “Well,” he said, “you know how different cultures and different countries have their own way of hunting, so I thought I might try one of those this year.” “Whatcha have in mind,... Read more →


Home Country: Autumn, Remembering that Special Buck

Slim Randles | CNBNews Contributor Gloucestercitynews.net (Sept. 18, 2019)--When Bob Garcia removed that old mossy horn mount from its place over the fireplace, we were a bit confused. That huge buck had been his pride and joy for more than 30 years. But Bob put it back in his office, behind the credit Bass Pro Shops kitchen. The spot of honor over the fireplace now belongs to a young forked-horn buck, the one he took last year on the other side of the hayfield. It’s... Read more →


Home Country: Willoughby Comes To Town

Slim Randles | CNBnewsnet Gloucestercitynews.net-- When you live in a small town like ours, sometimes you get a bit thirsty for entertainment. I mean, we’ve all heard most of Windy Wilson’s stories, and the radio and the television stations are in a much bigger town. But once in a while, we have Willoughby. I think Dud passed him on the highway before he got here and phoned Doc down at the Mule Barn coffee shop. The entertainment alarm went off more loudly than the tornado... Read more →


Home Country: September, Our Month of Change

Slim Randles | CNBNewsnet September. Our month of change. Our month of happy change. Once more we can stand the thought of wearing a sweater as the summer sun burns itself down. Once again we can think about a new year at school, a new teacher. Once again, the house is ours … and quiet during the day. September. In the forest, the animals are polishing antlers, sleeking muscles for the mating ruts to come, marking their territories. The deciduous trees are showing those awesome... Read more →


Delbert and the Local Chamber of Commerce

Slim Randles | CNBNews Contributor (Gloucestercitynews.net)(August 28, 2019)--Delbert McLain dropped in at the Mule Barn yesterday for a quick cup. He was wearing his usual suit and tie, despite the heat. Usually Delbert does his coffee drinking and socializing out at the country club where the business guys go. We’ve been there, and the chairs don’t fit as well. For the past 10 years now, Delbert has run the local Chamber of Commerce. The capital letters are on purpose, because that’s how important it is... Read more →


Home Country: “Sanctimonious siphons, it’s hot!”

Slim Randles | CNBNews Contributor “Sanctimonious siphons, it’s hot!” said Dud, sitting at the philosophy counter and turning over his coffee cup for action with a single smooth move. Dud is a regular at the Mule Barn truck stop’s legendary world dilemma think tank. “Epithet time again, Dudley?” said Doc. “Epithets and heat time, Doc. When that heat comes along, the only thing that can really change an attitude is a properly tuned epithet. It’s man’s emotional release valve, but of course you know that,... Read more →


HOME COUNTRY: Harley Needs A Vacation

Slim Randles | CNBNews Contributor (Gloucestercitynews.net)(August 14, 2019)--When Harley Jacobsen came into Doc’s office the other day for his physical it was a treat for Doc. Harley is one of Doc’s favorite people. Harley is a farmer. A 24/7 farmer. Ol’ Harley can make hair grow on a bald head and wheat grow on rocks. When he’d been thumped and bumped and listened to and pumped up and partially drained, Harley asked Doc for the verdict. “Not bad at all for someone your age, Harley,”... Read more →


Home Country: Alphonse “Windy” Wilson Fired Up...Again

Slim Randles | CNBNewsnet (Gloucestercitynews.net)(August 7, 2019)--You have to hand it to Windy. When Alphonse “Windy” Wilson chooses to speak, it is a bombastic sampling of creativity. Windy has yet to find a word he can’t make better through his own unique methods. Well, what got him fired up the other day was a meeting of the ladies of the garden club down at the nursery. Windy’s been helping Dewey with his manure business on the one day a week he spends helping others. Today... Read more →


HOME COUNTRY: TRYING TO CATCH THE BIG RAINBOW TROUT

by Slim Randles | CNBNews Contributor It was Doc who first noticed Dud's strange behavior. I was too busy trying to put an elk-hair caddis fly on a size 16 just beyond that big smooth rock on Lewis Creek. I know there's a big rainbow trout in that hole there, you see, and there is nothing more important, on a summer morning like this one, than enticing that big rascal into delivering himself to my waiting hands. But Doc noticed that Dud had laid his... Read more →


Home Country: A Semi-Old-Cowboy and The Starving Chickens

(Gloucestercitynews.net)-- When you have a teenage relative, and the minimum age is 21 to go to a rock concert, and this relative has to go to the concert or die. Seriously. Die. Because life isn’t worth living if she misses it. And, if someone under 21 can go to the concert only if an adult accompanies them. And … if the only adult who will listen to the begging and the crying and the gnashing of teeth happens to be a semi-old cowboy, well …... Read more →


Home Country: The Bahdziewicz Clan

(Gloucestercitynews.net)(July 17, 2019)--The Bahdziewicz clan trooped into the Mule Barn for lunch the other day, happily and noisily as only eight Americans totally in love with summer can do. The patriarch of the clan, Abraham Lincoln Bahdziewicz, led the way to a large round table and seated his wife, Sally, before pointing to which chairs the kids should use. Some people can make a celebration out of sitting down to eat, and Abe’s gang knows how to do it. The children, clockwise, were Woodrow Wilson... Read more →


Home Country: Duckworth Goes to the Dog Show

Slim Randles | CNBNewsnet (Gloucestercitynews.net)(July 10, 2019)-- “I took Duckworth to the dog show up in the city last weekend,” Dud said. Slim Randles (CNBNews file photo) The other members of the Mule Barn truck stop’s world dilemma think tank and philosophy counter just looked at him. Doc put it gently. “Dud, was this so he could get some inspiration on looking good?” Duckworth was a medium-sized dog that found Dud while Dud was walking and thinking about the novel he’s writing. No one answered... Read more →


Home Country: Independence Day

Slim Randles | CNBNewsnet The annual Fourth of July picnic was a celebration of time and freedom. We’d all watched the parade, earlier, because that’s what you do on the Fourth, and we believe in it. Our parade features Scout troops in uniform, the high school band, floats with pretty girls … well, okay, it’s actually Delbert’s convertible with signs on the doors … and little kids proudly leading their dogs down our main street. In other words, pretty much everyone. Those of us who... Read more →


HOME COUNTRY: The Hot Season Is Here

Slim Randles | CNBNewsnet It’s the heat that defines us this month. It greets us at daybreak with its promise, but in an hour or so, it bears down on our shoulders and makes us image courtesy of clipart dream of shade and something cold to drink. The best thing about our hot season, however, are evenings when most of the earth cools, and that breeze slides in off the mesa and caresses our cheeks. Then it’s time to sit, and laugh, and tell stories... Read more →


HOME COUNTRY: Sometimes Heaven Comes in Small Doses

Slim Randles | Gloucestercitynews.net image courtesy of unsplash Steve looked out from the turret of his cabin and watched the sun set behind the mountain. Branding is over for the spring, and he was able to get away from the ranch for a few days, so here he was, in his private castle, sipping private coffee, looking down at his private horse eating hay in his private corral. For a man who has spent most of his life in a bunkhouse, a suite at the... Read more →


HOME COUNTRY: Have fun bein’ a grown-up, kids

Slim Randles | CNBNews Greetings to you, graduates from this year high school, and your families out there who don’t have no caps and gowns like this year one I got and the kids got. It is a memorizin’ Slim Randles (CNBNews file photo) day when people reach this millstone in their lives, and thass why we’re here to celebrate their futures and culminate stuff down from their prehistory. I personable want to thank Mr. Albertson for lettin’ me use this year hat and gown... Read more →


Home Country: Principal Jim and Graduation

Slim Randles | CNBNewsnet When we filtered in for coffee at the Mule Barn truck stop, we were surprised to see Jim Albertson already there, already drinking coffee and looking as though he lost his last friend. It’s so unlike him, because Jim’s job as principal of our local high school and middle school has been fun for him. He’s always taken an offbeat, creative approach to his job, and it is sometimes hilarious. So naturally, when someone’s obviously in pain, we did the kindest... Read more →


HOME COUNTRY: It Just … Happened!

Slim Randles | CNBNewsnet (gloucestercitynews.net)(May 29, 2019)--It just happened, you know? One of those serendipitous coincidences that occur when planets line up or you foolishly store oily rags together. It just … happened. Ardis Richardson was looking through the Soup ‘R Market for an egg beater for her mom. Not the electric kind. The turn-the-handle kind. She picked one up and tried it out, causing the friendly little metallic whir that good egg beaters make. What was serendipitous, however, was Anita Campbell not six feet... Read more →


Home Country: Cow Pasture Tea

Slim Randles | CNBNewsnet Slim Randles/gloucestercitynews file (May 22, 2019)(gloucestercitynews.net)--You have to hand it to Windy. When Alphonse “Windy” Wilson chooses to speak, it is a bombastic sampling of creativity. Windy has yet to find a word he can’t make better through his own unique methods. Well, what got him fired up the other day was a meeting of the ladies of the garden club down at the nursery. Windy’s been helping Dewey with his manure business on the one day a week he spends... Read more →