Blessed in Distress Unveils New Line of Sports Apparel for Philadelphia Fans on Saturday, January 21
GLOUCESTER CITY, NJ (January 18, 2023)--In today's news, it was revealed that a library in a small town near Boulder, Co. had to be temporarily closed to clean the restrooms of the chemicals and residue of methamphetamines. For several days prior, people complained about strange odors, sore throats, and even a dizzy feeling.
While investigating the problem, it came to light that one of Boulder's libraries had been closed for the same reason and has not yet re-opened.
The Boulder City and Colorado State Police are investigating, but libraries, by nature, admit everyone and allow everyone free access so long as everyone is peaceful. Fortunately, there are cameras everywhere; here's hoping that the tapes have not been tampered with or overwritten.
Again today, it was announced that almost 1 million fentanyl pills were confiscated on the Nogales, AZ border. That allows for 1 out of every 325 people in America to be killed in one shot. If we do the math and pass out the pills evenly to every city in the United States, Gloucester City would lose 37 residents overnight.
Since the news is often so depressing, it might be a good idea to add a little government humor, whether it was intentional or not. Here goes. Congressional Representative Shelia Jackson Leigh of the Houston, TX area demanded that she be allowed to see and hold the American flag which our astronauts left on Mars. First, Ms. Jackson, no human has ever been to Mars and, if anyone had been and left our flag on Mars, we aren't going back to bring it home so you can touch it. As Jay Leno says "you get the government you deserve."