Dawn O Watson/CNBNews Contributor
Let’s discuss the elephant in the room: Social Distancing.
I picture getting the “All Clear” sign from the government which will set off an instant opening of doors all over the world. Folks will stumble outside, holding up a hand to block a sun they haven’t seen for a long time, except through a window that’s been scrubbed so often it’s thinning in places.
Women with ragged nails and unibrows will climb into their bird-bombed cars with bearded men, only to find that their batteries are dead. They will not remember what to do next and will argue with one another, finally calming down because the unibrowed woman thinks she may be carrying a Pandemic Baby.
Debt collectors will say, after informing you that your call is being recorded, that they’re willing to work out a deal. Within a week, Amazon will send you a “We Miss You” card. Upscale boutiques will let you shop in sweatpants. Some will offer you wine. Restaurants will get rid of all their tiny tables in favor of a huge round one so you can talk to everybody even if you’ve never met them, before.
Dog groomers will soon need carpal tunnel surgery. Dogs will growl whenever they see you coming at them with a leash and will bite when they hear the word, “walkies”. Dentists will be exhausted from filling new cavities incurred from months of junk food binges. Weight Watchers numbers will skyrocket.
Emotional support groups will issue tickets like they do at a deli, letting you know that you’re allowed to enter after group number 435.
Kids will be so sick of video games that they’ll start playing together. Outside. Weird, right?
When libraries re-open people will gather, in awe of a book made from paper. They will not remember how to get to the next page and will poke the same page over and over, wondering why the page doesn’t flip.
Churches will need to schedule three services each Sunday due to overcrowding. Kittens will be everywhere. People will start holding doors open for other people, even if they aren’t at a Wawa. Spas and health clubs will be so busy they’ll be forced to open new spas and health clubs. Your boss at work will be so happy to see you that he’ll offer a happy hour every day and bars will be open 24/7. AA will resume meetings proportionately.
Countries and governments will be nice to each other. Democrats and Republicans will no longer TP each other’s Senate seats.
I’m thinking that if we survive this pandemic, things will be better, at least for a little while. I’d like to think that something positive will come from all this suffering.
Stay well, faithful readers. Be kind to one another.
Clipart by Bing