Dawn Watson/CNBNews Contributor
I don’t mind being fat.
Chubbiness runs in my family. Well, it doesn’t run exactly. It saunters casually. No one in our family is actually obese, mind you—we’re just on the way up or on the way down, weight-wise.
I count calories in between Oreo binges. While that isn’t the healthiest way to eat, those extra pounds keep me from breaking a hip when I fall on the ice. I just sort-of bounce on the sidewalk a few times. Then, I crawl home, thankful for my chubby knees and every other part of me that’s padded.
I hate it that fast-food restaurants publish the number of calories in their menu items. It’s like going to heaven and being told at the gate that the clouds are toxic.
It’s not that I’m lazy. I live a rather rugged lifestyle and get plenty of exercise. However, after a long day of miscellaneous, outdoor activity I stream The Food Network. Thanks to them, I’ve perfected the Seven Starch Meal.
My yo-yo dieting isn’t healthy but it’s healthier than my Ho-Ho diet. I have a feeling Little Debbie isn’t so little, anymore. I know I’m not.
I don’t judge thin people unless they judge me. Then, I knock them down and sit on them. Verbally, of course. If I were to get physical, I’d go to jail, and I hear the food is bad, there.
Over the past few years I’ve struggled financially—after providing for my dogs there isn’t a lot left over to spend on meat and vegetables, so I’ve lived on a steady diet of beans, rice, and potatoes. Fresh vegetables and fruit are luxuries unless they’re reduced for clearance or offered by a caring friend, but I don’t expect either on a continual basis.
People sometimes wonder why some lower-income people (like me) tend to be heavy. I’ll tell you why: five pounds of potatoes are way cheaper than five pounds of broccoli. And potatoes need no refrigeration.
I don’t want to seem like I’m bragging but if there is a zombie apocalypse, I’ll last longer than my thinner neighbors. Even if I’m bitten it’ll surely take awhile for the zombie-bite-stuff to penetrate my many layers. And during a famine, we fatties will rule.
As far as my weight goes, I’m simply sharing my thoughts roundly, filling you in as you size me up, hopefully expanding my readership by spilling my guts.
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