Dawn Watson/CNBNews Contributor
Let’s talk about pants.
The way a woman wears her pants can be defining. For example, if she wears them tight, she’s either gained weight or wants to show the world her curves. Worn loosely and she’s either lost weight and can’t afford new ones or she’s waiting for an Amazon delivery to update her wardrobe.
Men fall into several pants-wearing categories. They’re either of the, I Haven’t Gained Weight, I Just Prefer to Wear My Pants Under My Gut, category or the, These Are More Comfortable When Worn Under My Chest, group.
Some young men wear their pants under their behinders. I like to remind them of their fashion faux pas by pinching them. If they’re going to leave it exposed, I’m going to grab on like a startled crawfish. At least no one has to ask them whether they wear boxers or briefs.
And how about young girls wearing sweatpants that leave their bellies exposed? I don’t get it. If they’re wearing that particular item for warmth, they’re forgetting that bellybuttons need love, too. They’re likely just waiting for someone to compliment them on a piercing or a tattoo. I understand that—I have a few of each but over the years they’ve gone missing. I’ll leave that information to your imagination.
I haven’t bought jeans in more than a decade. If a pair becomes too tight, I simply swap it for one of my pairs of Fat Pants. If I lose weight again, I simply revert to the Not as Fat Pants. I’d call them Skinny Pants but I’m realistic.
My generation favored bell bottoms that were so long they made you fall on your face, unless you were wearing platform shoes. In that case, you didn’t trip on the hem, but you fell off your shoes. The resulting face-plant looked the same.
I suppose how one wears his or her pants is a matter of choice and the wearer shouldn’t be judged. If a pair of pants makes you happy, go ahead and wear them.
Because, no matter what they look like, we all put our pants on one leg at a time.
Cartoon by Glenn and Gary McCoy