Dawn Watson/CNBNews Contributor
I’m living in a van. Down by the river.
This phrase was made popular by an actor named Chris Farley on a sketch comedy show. I used to think it was hysterically funny. Now, not so much.
This is not the only topic I’ll ever address when writing this column, I promise. But allow me one more before I delve into my usual discussions about old age, obesity, and weird things that happen to me.
Okay, so yesterday I played basketball and sunk a basket. I was not happy. Neither was *Sabrina, my little house on wheels.
I was driving *Ragnar, my truck, down a suburban street to spend time with a girlfriend when suddenly I heard a dragging noise. A terrible sight greeted me in my rear view mirror and I jumped down to investigate further.
It seems that Sabrina had hooked a portable basketball hoop, backboard, stand, and all.
I tried lifting it off. I tried shoving, pulling, pushing. It wouldn’t budge. I spit on my hands like they do in the movies but it was disgusting so I took a moment to retrieve my package of baby wipes, then tried other tactics to remove the monstrosity that by now was half-way under my house. If it had been wearing shoes it would have resembled the Wicked Witch of the East.
My friend came running. She is my friend because she came to help, not videotape me, hoping to win money. Together, we shoved, pulled, etc. But the darned thing had taken root. Another neighbor volunteered her services and eventually, we got it out and dragged it back to where it belonged.
Sabrina was scratched and dented but no windows were broken and I can still live in her so I consider myself lucky. My friend knows all my contact info so if anyone complains I can volunteer restitution even though I thought cars and trucks belong in the street, not basketball gizmos.
Anyway, my lifestyle is rugged, my adventures many and I’ve been told I only write “drivel” so thanks for reading my drivel. If you see me in passing kindly give a wave; I’ll try not to hook you and drag you down the street.
Pictured: The author. Photo by Donna Healey
*I like to name things. I once dated a fellow I thought of as Old Marley. Think about the opening line in A Christmas Carol.
published gloucestercitynews.net | May 13, 2019