Dawn Watson/CNBNews Contributor
Piercings are all the rage, right now. Almost everyone I know has at least one hole from which to hang jewelry. It’s as though fingers just aren’t good enough and folks have to have other ways to show off their costume jewelry.
A friend of mine was wearing a spandex cocktail dress a few weeks ago and I reached over to brush a piece of glitter off her waist. She responded by saying, “Ouch!” and dropped her glass of wine. Turns out she’d just had her navel pierced and the jewel had worked its way through her outfit and was showing through the fabric. I apologized but the damage was done.
I thought about having the procedure myself, but I’d look like a snowman with a metal button.
I once saw a kid with a pierced septum bite into a hot taco and set off a smoke alarm.
Okay, he didn’t really set off the smoke alarm but he cried a little bit. And since it was impossible for him to blow his nose…well, I’ll let you imagine how it looked.
Another girl had her chest pierced and things were going fine until she cooked Thanksgiving dinner and toasted more than her turkey pop-up timer. I hear she had a baby and the poor kid was confused at mealtimes.
I had my eyebrow pierced years ago but the next day I forgot I’d had it done. When I saw the ring out of the corner of my eye, I thought it was a bug and I swatted at it. Come see the scar some time. I look like a prize fighter.
Ear piercing is no longer standard. Unless you have seventeen holes in your noggin you’re just not keeping up with fashion trends.
A young man I know has his lower lip pierced. How does he kiss? And how hard is it to remove when going through a metal detector? And if he eats a pizza does he have to hose off afterwards?
I got the side of my nose pierced a couple of months ago to mark a rite of passage. I like the tiny birthstone I had inserted but now every time I sneeze I have to clean my glasses and hunt for the aquamarine.
There are folks, so I’m told, that have other, more personal body parts pierced but I don’t want to believe it or know about it and I certainly don’t want to see it. I’m not sure
what purpose those particular forms of body art serve but whatever it is I’m too old to understand it and therefore, don’t need to hear about it.
Some day the earth’s magnetic field will go nuts and everyone that sports a piercing will be flung into a dark hole. The people left behind will be unpierced, unjeweled, and boring. But if there’s life in that black hole those of us that are bedazzled will be able to compare jewelry and possibly, ribald stories about kisses, sneezes, and spandex. And that sounds pretty good to me.
Clip Art courtesy Royalty Free via Internet
published gloucestercitynews.net | April 29, 2019