NEWS, SPORTS, COMMENTARY, POLITICS for Gloucester City and the Surrounding Areas of South Jersey and Philadelphia

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WHEN EAST MEETS WEST: Church Bulletin Booo-Boos

CNBNEWS ARCHIVES posted Thursday, January 31, 2008

UPDATE: For six years Hank wrote a column for CNBNews "When East Meets West". He died in August 2012 at the age of 75

 By Hank F. Miller Jr                                                

Laughs_3I received this from a good friend awhile back.  

Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced at church services: 

The Fasting & Prayer Conference: includes meals.

The sermon this morning: "Jesus walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth
keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.

Remember in prayer the many that are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard
to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.

Don't let worry kill you off -- let the Church help.

Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: "Break Forth into

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen
to our choir practice.

Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and
to the deterioration of some older ones.

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be
used to cripple children.

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want

The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the
basement on Friday afternoon.

This evening at 7 PM there will be hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in
the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric
girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church
basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double
door at the side entrance.


Warm Regards from Kitakyushu City, Japan.

Hank F. Miller Jr. 

Related: When East meets West