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Just Sayin': Listen Here, You! |

Bitstrip  by Dawn Watson

My fiance and I decided to take a vacation. From each other. And all because our sense of hearing didn’t match.

   In case you haven’t been paying attention, I’ll catch you up, real quick.

   After becoming a widow I reconnected with a fellow I’d known and loved, many years ago. It was only a matter of time before he moved in with me.

   Everything moved along smoothly for quite some time but then, as most old buildings do, the cracks in the foundation began to show up.

   Now, my hearing is acute; I’ve often been accused of having ears like a coyote. My fiance, on the other hand, had some hearing loss. And that’s where our problems began.

   On a typical day, I would repeat myself about two dozen times, only to have him respond with, “What?” or “Huh?” I found that, if I prefaced the statement or question with the word, “Beer”, I got his attention a bit more often, but not enough to make me stop hitting my head against the nearest wall, further weakening the foundation of our building, uh, relationship.

   Another problem surfaced because of IMS, or, Inability to Mute Syndrome. Now, I think we can all agree that commercials on television are loud, offensive, and repetitive. The problem can be resolved by pressing the button on the remote, the one marked, “Mute”, right? Well, this fellow could watch an OxyClean commercial on high volume and not require aspirin. The only sound louder than that British guy’s voice was the all-night snore-a-thon coming from my bedroom. Talk about your trembling foundation!

   We also had problems in the social realm because, when he thought he was whispering he was actually speaking in a normal tone of voice. This doesn’t seem like a big deal unless the person he was “whispering” about was standing about a foot, away. While we never got involved in a smack-down because of this, we came pretty close a few times.

   In the end, hearing became an enemy that divided us. I’m not sure how, “Stay. We can work it out,” was translated as, “I pray that you will get out,” but it did and I’m none the worse for the experience. I’m still listening to the fog horns and the trains that flavor my little town, and to my friends and family any time they want to talk.

   It’s a beautiful life and I cherish every minute of it. And you heard it from me. Just sayin’,


   Dawn Watson.