Jihad Jane Pleads Guilty
Letters: Kudos to Restaurant Owners; A Tribute to Art DiPatri

CHUCKLES: Love New Jersey


        
        August 15 - Moved to our new home in Jersey.  It's so beautiful Mooning-snowman
here. The lake to the north looks so majestic.  I can hardly wait to see
it snow covered.  I'm going to love it here!
        
        October 14 - Jersey is definitely the most beautiful place on
earth. The leaves have turned all the colors and shades of red and
orange.  Went for a ride through the park and saw some deer.  They are
so graceful. Certainly they are the most wonderful animals on earth.
This must be paradise, I
        LOVE IT HERE!!
                
        November 10 - Deer season will start soon. I can't imagine
anyone wanting to kill such a gorgeous animal.  Hope it will snow soon.
I love it here. Those red and orange leaves have covered my yard. Looks
like a magnificent multi-colored carpet. HOW BEAUTIFUL.  Raking and
cleaning up the yard will be an opportunity for invigorating exercise in
the cool crisp air.



         

        November 15 - Ah, more leaves and more exercise.
                
        November 18 - Jesus, still more leaves. Guess it's best to wait
until they've all fallen before I rake again.
             
        November 25 - Finally, all of the trees lost their leaves and
with
        today's final raking it's over for this season.
        Chiropractor suggested I use a lawn maintenance service next
year. Only four blisters became infected. Should probably remember to
use gloves.
          
        November 30 - What the heck? Where did all of those leaves come
from?  Had a little wind last night and the lawn is covered again.
        Oh well, they'll just have to wait until spring.
              
        December 12 - It snowed last night, FINALLY. Woke up to find
everything blanketed in white.  It looks like a postcard.

        We went outside and cleaned the snow off the steps and shoveled
the driveway. Had a snowball fight (I won) and when the snowplow came by
and we had to shovel the end of the driveway again.
        What a beautiful place. I Love Jersey!
                
        December 14 - More snow last night, I love it. The snow plow did
his trick to the driveway again. I Love it here.
             
        December 19 - More snow again last night. Can't get out of the
driveway.  Can't to get to work. I'm exhausted from shoveling. damned
snowplow.
           
        December 22 - More of that white shit fell again last night. As
if dealing with the leaves weren't bad enough, now I've got blisters all
over my hands from shoveling, must remember to wear gloves. I think the
snowplow hides around the corner and waits until I'm finished shoveling
the driveway. The jackass.
               
        December 25 - Merry Friggin Christmas. More frigging snow. If I
ever get my hands on that S.O.B. who drives the snowplow, I swear I'll
kill the bastard. Don't know why they don't use more salt on the roads
to melt the friggin ice.
            
        December 27 - More white crap last night. Have been inside for
three days except for shoveling out the driveway after that plow goes
through every time. roughten gloves got wet and then froze on my hands.

         

        Doctor said it was just a mild case of frost bite, disfiguration
is probably only temporary. Can't go anywhere, car is stuck in a
mountain of white crap. The weatherman says to expect another 10 inches
of the crap tonight. Do you know how many shovels full of snow 10 inches
is?
                
        December 28 - The stupid weatherman was wrong. We got 34 inches
of that white crap. At this rate it won't melt 'till summer.

        The plow got stuck up the road and the bastard came to the door
and asked to borrow a shovel. After I told him I'd already
        broken six of them shoveling all the junk he pushed into the
driveway, I broke my last one on his bald head.
            
        January 4 - Finally got out of the house today. Went to the
store to get food and on the way back I hit a damned deer that ran in
front of my car.  Did about $3000 damage.  ugly beasts should be killed.
Wish the hunters had killed them all last November.
              
        May 3 - Took the car to the garage in town. The thing is rusting
out from all the stupid salt they put all over the roads.
              
        May 10 - Moved to Sarasota Florida. I  can't imagine why anyone
in their right mind would ever live in that God forsaken state of New
Jersey.

Author Unknown

submitted by KAT

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