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Just Sayin': Lists

Just Sayin’ is a parody and/or reflection of current social trends.   

 

Ironing

  I like lists.

 

 

  I usually make a list in the morning and cross things off as I finish the task. Sometimes, when I do something that’s not on the list I add it in at the bottom just so I can cross it off.

 

  I cheat a little bit, too. I separate “Shower” and “Dry off with a towel”, so I can cross two tasks off instead of just one. Besides, I really like how I feel after I cross off “Wash dishes” and “Let them air dry”. It’s like Buy One, Get One Free at Kmart.

 

  Not that my life is filled with boring details, heck no! A couple of weeks back I got to cross off “1.Yell at husband 2.Cry 3.Wait for pity”. Okay, I wrote it in after the fact but still, it was pretty exciting.

 

  More often than not I have stuff left over at the end of the day, so I scribble it onto the next day’s list. That means Tuesday’s list is longer than Monday’s, Wednesday’s is longer than Tuesday’s, etc. I start over again Sunday night for Monday so if there was anything neglected it probably wasn’t that important, anyway.

 

  I’ve gotten much more honest, too. When I was a novice list-maker I cheated by writing “Drink beer. Watch television”, and counting them as two tasks. Now, I only count them as one.

 

  When ordinary chores can be crossed off a list it feels like I’ve accomplished something. If I die suddenly my family will be able to pinpoint the exact moment, too. “Oh, poor Mother,” they’ll wail. “She died doing what she loved most… (looking at list) Watching a rerun of ‘Scrubs’ while she was ironing pillowcases and soaking her feet in Epsom salt.” And, following my directions, the urn in which my ashes are placed will be inscribed with, “1. Place on mantle. 2. Rest in peace,” to give closure to my family in case they’re wondering if they did the right thing.

 

    Just sayin’.

 

Dawn Watson

 

 

 

 

 

 

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